When we last left our despondent hero, he had just left the local computer parts repository with everything he would need to upgrade his main rig (as a bonus and as a way of making it up to his long suffering spousal equivalent, enough parts to upgrade her rig as well).

With bags of parts, cables and shiny, shiny LED fans in hand I returned to my super secret lair where poor LadyDrake was staring at me like I had lost my mind. I had to tell her that my mental faculties were quite intact, however she was right to question my sanity, I have always maintained that my sanity had deserted me about the same time that my hair decided that it no longer wanted to be a permanent resident on my head. It was at that point that I had realized that she had only ever seen me do anything hardware related to computers once before (and that was about five years ago). The poor thing had walked in on what she would later describe as a technophiles bacchanalia, computer parts and empty bottles strewn all over the living room with yours truly sitting in the middle of it looking like they had been caught doing something questionably taboo.

She saw the look in my eye and I could see the look of concern grow on her face as I eyed both of our computers (I suspect that she was more worried about the data on her rig than my safety). Well, I think she has lived with me long enough to know when the better part of valor is to let the technophile have his way with the machines. She gave me a strangely long hug and made me promise that I would back-up her files before I set about my task. In times like that I know I got the right girl.

With all the finesse and grace of an angry water buffalo I set about ripping open boxes, and throwing components together to get an idea as to what the profile would look like. Like a discount, modern day Dr Frankenstein I set about my dark task. My monster lay before me on the 4’ plastic folding table, access panel leaning on the legs of the table, yellow and black power cords and red SATA cables lay draped over the sides like the viscera from a vivisection (except my specimen was going to live again!). My hands began to work faster and faster, removing screws, resetting posts, routing wires for cable management, cracking knuckles on the unforgiving steel as I re-set the hard drives in the slots.

After all was said and done she was reborn. With bated breath I nervously hit the power button the blue, green fan LEDs glowed coolly and hummed away assuring me that they had been wired in correctly (then again now a days its damn near impossible to screw up an install). The CPU fan whirred away while its bright red LED reminded me of HAL 9000, silently watching me and judging me for my transgressions, both past and future. As we got to the log in screen I went to move the mouse, only to find that it would not respond. “Must be a glitch” I thought to myself. I moved the mouse again, still nothing. I hit a couple keys on the keyboard, nada. I was Captain Zero riding the good ship Null Value.

In that moment I prayed to any god of technology that would listen. I called on Hephaestus of ancient Greek fame to fix my problem, I called on Thoth, the ancient Egyptian god of engineering, I even made an offering to Vishvakarman, the Hindu god of technology and invention. My modern day Prometheus lay on the table, all the lights were on, but no input peripheral was being accepted. I’m fairly confident they were all at the bar watching me flail and fail while drawing up cocktail napkin sketches of new and innovative ways to take shots and generally laughing at my misfortune. Hitting one more roadblock in this project I had decided that it was now time to take a break, cry into a shot glass and offer that up to whoever would accept it and help me move on to the next step in this process.

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